August 2009
1 post
Are you a criminal? →
So I was in delightful Bristoltown at the weekend to take in a boat trip, spy some balloon and imbibe some local booze in the form of cider.
A good night was had by all and rest was forth coming…
July 2009
1 post
Hope and Charity →
Whilst in Washington of late I noticed some things, it was hot and it was spacious. The spaciousness was filled with many things, monuments, government buildings and, joy of joys, countless charity…
June 2009
1 post
Is that the sound of the fashion police? →
Whilst wending my way to and fro my work place sporting my spiffy yet unpleasantly bright 2 years old Chelsea away kit that’s been discussed previously I often receive what can best be described as…
April 2009
1 post
But, but, I’m Old! →
As I wend my way home from another day at the grind stone I tire as the wind works against me. I dodge and weave the morons who seem determined to hurl themselves under me wheels but finally make it…
March 2009
1 post
I fought the law and I may or may not have won. →
Now that the new shopping Mecca has opened up at Westfield the powers that be deemed it sensible to improve the transport links and so rustled up a nice spanking new rail station. A station that…
February 2009
3 posts
Change! No, it seems we can’t! →
Nothing is more likely to send someone into a rage as change. Not just any kind of change mind you. Some change is great, a change of bed sheets is ace, a change of salary, in the upward direction,…
I knew you should never trust a gasheads. →
Several days ago I received a lovely letter from Mr Gas man, he politely informed me that:
“We have not heard from you despite leaving a number of cards urging you to make an appointment with us”
Defeat! →
Continuing my efforts to keep the even more ailing economy afloat I sallied forth once more to the heart of London’s capitalist experience that is Westfield in order to wine, dine and spend spend…
January 2009
2 posts
Big box, little box, big box, little box. →
It will come as no surprise to learn that using the public highways, in all their glorious forms, gives rise to an incredible amount of potential rage. Almost all the users of said roads are clearly…
Slow coach double whammy →
After a fine hour or two perusing the fine fare on the aisle of my local supermarket I took my trolley, laden with goodies (and non alcoholic beer), towards the checkout in an endeavour to pay.
…
December 2008
3 posts
Paper →
“Mummy, do you have some paper”
“Mummy can you draw me a butterfly”
“Mummy where are we”
“Mummy so you have any paper”
“Mummy”
“Mummy why is the bus not moving”
Dear god shut the blazes up,…
Down with Christmas - Part 3 →
I had call to buy a suit the other weekend, I perused the available options, visited several outlets, weighted up the cost to quality ratio and in the end plumbed for a natty little number in…
Beer outrage →
I wended my way to Westfield again in a vain effort to keep the ailing economy on it’s feet, such a financial hero that I am. I decided that lunch was the order of the day and so descended upon Pho,…
November 2008
8 posts
Bus hag. →
In my state of continued mild addledness I thought it better to get the nice warm bus to work again today. What a woeful error, for the more you use the chav wagon, the more chance there is to be…
Super Fruit. →
I’ve been feeling under the weather for a couple of days, racked with a terrible ague, struck down with a horrifying case of the pox, cursed with a vile bout of plague! Oh OK, I was feeling a bit…
Wow this is a nice house. →
In an effort to keep the ailing Westfield open during this credit crisis I have committed to spending as much time and money there as possible. With this in mind I hotfooted it there again yesterday…
Down with Christmas - Part 2 →
I got a Christmas card at the weekend, a full 39 days before the true horror of Christmas should really begin. I find this a little early to be honest, that said I would find any card that gets here…
Tube woe. →
The tube has been causing much angst in the last two days. Firstly, yesterday I had to suffer the audio atrocity that was a busker at Notting Hill station. Now, as you might imagine, I’m not a fan…
Booze booze booze. →
So we have more outrage on the news at the levels of boozing that is going on, people are getting spannered and causing trouble in town centers the length and breadth of this fair land, children…
We are at war people, WAR I say!! →
My body, my brain and I have been at loggerheads of late, I try to mediate between the two but there is no joy it seems. They are determined to stitch each other up at every available opportunity.
…
Down with Christmas - Part 1 →
I hear on the news today that the worlds seems to be in a bit of a financial pickle at the moment Apparently there are a number of people who don’t have enough money, a few nations are short of a…
October 2008
13 posts
When will I learn? →
I remembered today that the BBC get lots of whiners phoning in to complain about this and that and in the interest of internal hilarity these whines are available to read. Normally I avoid this as…
The internet is dead. →
That’s it people, the internet is no longer useful, we might as just stop the whole thing now and shut it down. We can use the soon to be empty internet tubes to pipe maple syrup into everyone’s…
Youts on the loose. →
Once upon a time, a one, Vincent Gambini had cause to defend a couple of youts who had been wrongly accused of murdering the sack of suds store clerk. Luckily, no one can pull the wool over the eyes…
Lo sgombro non e’ piu’ disponibile →
I went out for dinner yesterday, it was a nice evening, food was wolfed, booze was swilled, conversation was had.
All in all it was excellent, what was not excellent however, was the serving wench…
No, it seems you can’t help me. →
In an effort to not have more tube based barrier angst I thought it might be a good idea to call up my credit card people and do something about this stupid card thing.
So I call up the number on…
A tale of two Donnies and an Oyster →
The other day as I was making my way to work I had a slight spot of oyster bother. It seemed that there was some trouble reading my card. Beep beep beep but no joy, eventually however the barriers…
Planet haters. →
Hello dear cleaners, I’ve a few pointers on how to do your job. Now, I’m not telling you how to do your job of course, no that would be rude but there are some, well one really, basic tips that I…
1 tag
Yes.... I am sure.
I made the mistake of visiting Tescos today whilst shopping in Ealingtown. Well, you might say two mistakes, firstly entered the vile place, secondly I selected some non-alcoholic booze from the shelf, but I have a good reason for the second error… honest…
Anyhoo, I take said bottles to the till section and join the shortest queue, I wait until it’s my turn to pay whilst idly...
1 tag
Worst... week... ever...
Whilst idly drifting towards Waitrose this after noon enjoying the winter sun I was narrowly pipped to the trolley rank by some bumbling old buffoon who grabbed the first trolley. They then proceeded to just stand there faffing about with some tat left by the previous shopper rather than getting the hell out of my way so I could get a trolley and proceed to stocking up on tasty fare. Luckily for...
1 tag
Size does not matter.
Casting my mide back to the days of yore (just before the Jacobean era I believe, it was all green fields and rolling hills at the very least) I remember fondly going shopping as a youth to some ghastly supermarché or other (before Carrefore seemed to disappear from British shores). During such shopping sprees items would be purchased, amongst which would be washing powder, that would come in...
1 tag
I knew going to work was a bad idea.
Firstly when going to work I like to be able to leave my house, I say like, I mean have to in order to get paid. Trouble is some obnoxious Toyota hilux (huge wanky pickup truck thing) owning oik keeps parking in my little side road making it almost impossible to get past. This problem is only exacerbated by a) me having a bike b) it being bin day meaning sacks of crap are heaped up on what path is...
1 tag
Yellow Shop
Sometimes its good to treat oneself to a nice contractor lunch and idly wonder what it’s like to be rich enough to afford special yellow shop food every day. Whilst idly wondering such thing, with hot food in hand, in the queue waiting to hand over half the GDP of Djibouti for the can of fancy Italian beverage and a couple of slices of pizza what I don’t want to see is some stupid bint at the till...
1 tag
Vote NOW!!!
It’s your duty to start voting now! There are some very important issues at stake. You see, we NEED to know the answer to many, many, questions. Which is better, Canada or the USoA*, Sweden or Norway**, My feckless ex school co-atendees or the feckless ingrates that went to the other local plebeian educational establishment***.
The big question of course is how to decide the answer to such...
September 2008
16 posts
1 tag
Everything
The following things made me furious today:
“Ryan” from Glasgow who claims “Parents don’t influence responsible/irresponsible drinking in their children. Society does.” - yes that’s you imbecile, all children behave exactly the same regardless of parental involvement, that’s why every bloody child drinks exactly the same amount of booze every day....
1 tag
Police marksmen wanted.
Dogs are universally recognised by all right thinking people as being terrible animals. That’s a given, but like all things, within each group there are still levels of disdain with which things should be treated, some should be shot on sight, others maybe poisoned slowly over some months resulting in a more painless death. Whilst wandering about past the lawn outside work I spied one such...
1 tag
Do you have a Deathwish?
“HAVE ANY VIDEO’S” blared the clearly deranged man almost running into the charity shop I was perusing books in.
Bulgarian Shop assistant: “Yes over there” SS Officer: “WHERE” Bulgarian Shop assistant: “Over there”. He finally spies them, withdraws a pair of specs that remind me of the kind worn by Major Arnold Ernst Toht, the SS officer from...
1 tag
Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right.
There are several things you don’t want to experience whilst staggering about Ealingtown catastrophically hung over from the previous night’s Gin bender. One of those is being asked to spare 5 minutes for charity, luckily this was not a problem today. Another thing you don’t want it a flaming racket being blared into both ears, especially when each ear is recieveing it’s...
1 tag
Oyser FAIL.
Right so buses are quite useful, however you do have to pay to use them, getting on one, swiping your oyster card and reviving a FAIL notice would suggest that you have not paid and thus don’t deserve travel. Standing there arguing with the beleaguered driver won’t change this fact, claiming that you have £10 on your card holds little water in the face of overwhelming evidence to the...
1 tag
Clickety clack, clickety clack
I am sure everyone knows the story about the little train going about it’s daily business. It goes something like - “A little black train goes down the track. clickety clack, clickety clack.” (alas Amazon “look inside” prevents me from stealing more of this copyrighted material)
What a pleasing tale it is too, a nice little train making a nice little noise as it...
1 tag
Lock the damn thing.
Locks, as we know have been around for at least 6000 odd years, that’s 6000 years in which knowledge of their usefulness and operation could filter down in to the mental consciousness of all but the simplest morons. Knowing this fact its quite a surprise that my upstairs neighbour seems totally unable to use the fucking things. Every single day I used to come home to find the front (1) door wide...
1 tag
Crocs and socks yeah.
One, youth, learn to damn well speak or at least if you must talk before gaining the basic skills in communication at least don’t speak loudly on buses into your stupid mobile phones about absolute crap. Also punctuation does not need to be spoken aloud and “yeah” is not a bloody punctuation mark even if, whilst I slept in today, the rules of spoken punctuation have suddenly...
1 tag
Can I help you?
Ah what a wonderful day, the sun is out the sky is blue, what could hamper such a wonderful day. Nothing at all that’s what. Well nothing other than the rage inducing people of Ealing town that is. Not all of the people obviously, there are some who stay at home, some that just pass by and some who might just be normal enough not to cause a bout of apoplexy. However there is a breed apart...
1 tag
1 tag
Acid attack
Oh how fun, waking up at 5 am in need of the toilet, pondering if this is a sign of the old age that looms close round the corner. Get up, use toilet, go back to bed flip light switch back off ALARM ALARM ALARM. Wow that’s odd why have a fire alarm switch next to the bed. Oh no wait that is just a fire alarm DAMNIT I have to get up. Stumble out wait wait wait, oh this is a not a drill. 3.5...
1 tag
Ajax
Hello i’m Ajax, I like cleaning toilets, playing football and stabbing nasty Trojans, sometimes, just sometimes, I like to tinker about with web paged to do some fancy stuff with external data.
What I do not do is EVERYTHING that’s non static on the flaming web. So hey lets stop using abusing my good name for a simple bit of javascript that swaps an image, especially when you are...
1 tag
Numbers numbers.
What an interesting news day, a rage inducing news day. You might imagine that the downfall of the global markets might be a cause of spot anger. Not here, no today’s rage was induced by 73 people who apparently have just about enough brain power to use a phone. 42 people phoned Ofcom to whine about G. Ramsey killing, then eating the fresh heart of, a puffin. Whilst it might have been...
1 tag
“Only two days ago I was searching for trips to Egypt over New Year. XL came up...”
– Right, so you want rules to stop companies trading when they know they are about to go bust do you. Fine so we’ll make a rule, just cause you asked nicely Michelle. Oh hang on what’s this, another company took an order from you 5 seconds before falling foul of this new rule. This is an...
1 tag
Salubrious West Ealing in bloom
Not only are there no busses (apart from the 83, more on that in a bit) this morning due to some strike or other, I have to witness the curious act of the council fixing brackets and hanging baskets of flowers from my local street lights… Now call me seasonally naïve but isn’t spring or summer not better the time to do this. Surely this catastrophic waste of money will result in pots of dead...
1 tag
What the hell happened to all the e's
What the blazes, another flaming internet dohickery that seems to think that by lopping of an e towards the end that it’ll be a nice web 2.0 thingemie. Poppycock, it’s childish and should have stopped with flickr.